Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise blah blah blah romance blah blah Rome blah blah blah blah virgin blah blah blah . . . wait, what?
Yesterday, we brought you the news of the fishy, fishy romance between Katie "Joey" Holmes and Tom "Maverick" Cruise. Today, things have gotten curiouser and curiouser; however, the tiny pieces of April this suspicious little puzzle are starting to interlock quite nicely thanks to various false tabloids reporting the following: Katie is a virgin. We thought that Tomkat flaunting their newborn, still-covered-in-placenta love for photographers was suspect, and his publicist "legitimizing" the romance was ever odder. But now, with the help of Freddie, Velma, and Scrappy Doo, we think we've figured out this whole sham. Dig it:
1. Katie's reportedly an unsullied maiden, telling friends that she is saving herself for marriage.
2. Not being a sexually savvy woman, Ms. Holmes most likely does not have a finely-tuned gaydar.
3. Katie takes up with Chris Klein, a man of questionable sexuality, and they are engaged for three years.
4. Never having had sexual intercourse, Katie doesn't suspect a thing.
5. Katie and Chris split up for unknown reasons.
6. In an interview, Katie states that her dream date is "Oooh, Tom Cruise in Risky Business."
7. Tom, long rumored to be a good Friend of Dorothy, gets wind of the fact that there is a new, willing, clueless cutie available for beard duty dates.
8. Tom has a new movie about to come out. Katie has a new movie about to come out.
9. Their publicists make a few calls, and
10. A "romance" is birthed!
There it is, kids–we have uncovered the riddle of Tomkat in ten simple steps.
Katie Holmes! And her virginal flesh! Naked! At MrSkin.com!
