Apparently, insatiable party dude Charlie Sheen is still sequestered in his home with no one to talk to, because he called in to the Dan Patrick radio show again yesterday. He’s so lonely! He’s like Lisa Simpson with the Corey hotline. This time, he didn’t have any words for the brass at Two and a Half Men, but he did offer Lindsay Lohan some advice. She should take it because Charlie’s been sober a really long time and cleaning up worked out really well for him oh wait. He said:
“I have some things I think she should consider, cause I don’t tell anybody what to do. Work on your impulse control … just try and think things through a little bit before you do them.”
“Take me, for example,” Charlie continued. “Last month I wanted to have a three day rager with 8 escorts and a suitcase full of heroin. Then I was like, ‘Whoa, Charlie. Hold up. Stop and think about this for a minute. Is this a good idea?’ And then I had a two day rager with 6 escorts and a suitcase full of cocaine.” Everything in moderation!
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I have seen many men when they hit middle-age with some success, look back to their youth and finally exercise some wish fulfillment. Most just buy that Porsche or some bitchin’ muscle car they lusted for when they could barley drive. I give some props Chuckles. While he was boning a single porn starlet in between toots in his 20′s, still he imagined a day where he could hang with more “stars” than he could count on a single hand and score blow by the key than just a fraction of an ounce. Here’s to your success CS! At the same age your father was making “Apocalypse Now!” amid a cloud of coke and artistic excess. And you do the same while making middling sitcoms while aspiring to no honest acclaim. Word.
If Ms. Lohan doesn’t take heed of his advice, then they both will be found in a hotel room deader than dodos with piles of coke and stolen jewels littered all over the place.
If Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen end up at a hotel together, I’m picturing it like something out the end of Ghostbusters: some mutterings about her being the Gatekeeper and him being the Key Master, and their coming together bringing about the total supernatural annhilation of a major city.
his advice: CALL “Wal Mart” FOR A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!