Dear Vegas Vacationers,
After she had all but quit pop music and taken up residence belting out her particular brand of over-the-top, chest-beating balladry at Caesar's Palace Colosseum, we had forgotten about Celine Dion. We'd like to keep it that way. So please stop getting drunk and falling asleep at her shows. We understand that's really the only way to get through one of her performances without inserting an ice pick through your ear and into your brain to let the sweet, sweet lobotomy take over, but please. We cannot risk driving Celine to return to the Top 40. George Lucas is calling the new Star Wars movie "Titanic in space," and we're starting to feel a little terrified that he may be looking to Celine for the perfect schlocky theme song.
The latest run of the equine-faced French-Canadian songbird's show just started up again in Vegas, and she told the Chicago Sun-Times: "People come here for four days, they eat too much, drink too many free drinks, they get sick from all that, they are jet-lagged sometimes so they just sit in the seat and sleep. As an entertainer, you have to be prepared for everything when it comes to the audience here. When you tour, people come there specifically that night to see you. They bought their tickets months and months ago. Here, they walk up to the box office an hour before the show. It's a very different kind of audience." Aw, Celine, surely you realize that your music has caused severe, uncontrollable vomiting before? The only difference now is that the puke smells of Bacardi and the bitter regret of losing $15,000 in one hand of blackjack. See, honey? Nothing's really changed at all.
