Britney Spears: Foot Squisher

We have tried to sever our ties with Ms. Britney Jean Spears. She just takes and takes and takes until we are dry. Only Peter Cetera knows our pain; Britney truly is a hard habit to break. So she will continue to do stuff, and we will continue to talk about it.

It's been a busy 24 hours for Brit. Yesterday her visitation rights for her children were suspended because she still can't follow orders (Or pee in a cup, apparently. It's small, ya'll). Then she settled her hit-and-run case, dashing our hopes of seeing Ms. Brit pull a Phil Spector and show up to court in a Ronald McDonald wig. Then in celebration (though we're not sure if she was celebrating the end of her vehicular legal woes or her newfound childless free time) she stuffed some dead tissue in her lips. Did she learn nothing from Jessica Simpson? And to top it all off, she ran over a TMZ photographer's foot–and didn't even stick her head out of the window and say, "Oops, sorry, y'all!" We know we say this every three days lately, but we've had it. We are sick of you, Britney Spears. We are sick of your shitty clothes and nappy weaves and shorn beav and eight-year-old intellect. We can't take it anymore. Do something to surprise us, at least. We expect all of this shit now. Get a tattoo of devil horns on your forehead or start dressing like Chloe Sevigny in Big Love or constantly carry around a huge black dildo and wave it as a greeting to photographers. Do something interesting before we move on to actually paying attention to someone else. There were other famous people once. Brangesomething and that short guy who's afraid of aliens. We'll bring them back! Of course, if you actually do any of the things we've asked, they will soon become passÈ as well and you'll have to move on to even more shocking things, like public defecation or infanticide.