Let's not beat around the bush: Britney Spears is w.t. And, as anyone who grew up rural knows, there are two things trailer-dwelling gals brag about: their fighting prowess and their b.j. prowess. Or, as our spirit guide FemaleFirst.com excitedly puts it: "Britney Spears Able To Give Perfect Oral Sex!"
Man, that's the first time we've seen an exclamation point in one of their headlines. They can hardly contain themselves.
God love you, British peoples: you are polite, you eat something called spotted dick, and you are fantastically vicious when it comes to skewering celebrities. Get a load of the name of a TV documentary they made about America's favorite fallen idol: Britney's Redneck Roots. Haw! Apparently, while filming, The Lady Federline confessed that she huffs dong like a champ thanks to . . . Kim Cattrall? Yes indeed, Kim might not be acting, relegated instead to hawking Bacardi (which is only about half a step above being the spokesmodel for Kool 110s) but she's still helping legions of women smoke pole thanks to her life-affirming sex guide, Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm. Sure to replace the Kama Sutra, Kim's tome offers numerous "graphic diagrams" of various sexual acts and positions. Even more hilarious: Brit-Brit's beej admission was edited out of the final cut of the documentary because the filmmakers didn't want to offend her. And now we will repeat the name of the doc: Britney's Redneck Roots. There you go.
And in vaguely related news, according to msnbc.com, Britney is having a boy and his name might be Preston. Which would charmingly combine Britney's two biggest idols, Elvis Presley and Ashton Kutcher. Farewell, Lurlene Crystal-Jo Federline, we hardly knew ye.
Brit. Pix. At MrSkin.com.
Britney Blows.
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