Bobby Brown Did Not Have Heart Attack; Crack Attack Likely

Everybody calm the fuck down; Bobby Brown did not have a heart attack. He just stopped by the hospital for the whole turn-your-head-and-cough treatment. He needed an experienced doctor to stick a couple of fingers up his rectum and search for errant doodie bubbles. You don't want those things inching their way out when you're stuck on a tour bus. So for all you thousands upon thousands of people who have tickets for Bobby B's upcoming tour, don't worry. You will get your chance to see the man up close and pretend that you are his tender Roni.

Tagged as: ailing celebs, Bobby Brown