Let’s check in on Life as Delusion starring Michael Lohan, shall we? When we last left our publicity-hungry leading man, he was calling Lindsay-schtupper Sam Ronson the reincarnation of Hitler or something. Now he’s blaming his offspring’s troubles on goofballs. And we’re not talking Jim J. Bullock. Dear old dad said:
I’m going to get her off the prescription drugs that she’s on. I hate it when people talk about illegal drug abuse because it’s not just drinking and illegal drugs that kill you.
Prescription drugs can destroy and kill a person and are sometimes harder to stop. Look at Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson.
You know why Lindsay’s not acting in feature films right now? Because she can’t. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs. She can’t be herself.
When you hug her she’s vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way – in a bad way.
She’s a different person. I was out there for a week when she was living at the Sunset Marquis Hotel and I would sit there and cry. It was horrible. This was not the kid I raised.
We don’t doubt that Lindsay carries around the contents of a Walgreens in her oversized hobo, but that’s about all that seems feasible in Michael’s story. The way he makes it out, he’s a master at dodging the paparazzi, never even letting a finger make it into frame when Lindsay’s being photographed. But really, we’re guessing that his version of spending a week with his daughter is hanging out in the lobby of her hotel (he stays at the Comfort Inn by the airport) and waiting for her to emerge from her room. “Lindsay, Lindsay, I’ve been trying to call you. I have this new show I’m working on that I think you’d be great for. No one’s bought it yet, but I’m so close to a deal. It’s going to be HUGE. You’ll be a star again. Call me.” And Lindsay flicks her weave over her shoulder and keeps on walking toward the spray tan salon.
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Right! If that man honestly raised the kid the way he wanted, she’d probably be in college right now getting her Masters. I take whatever he says with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila. He hasn’t bothered to stop his daughter’s slide to Hell anymore than her mother…and she’s pushing her as hard as she can while taking little sister along for the ride. Makes a guy almost wish the whole Lohan family would end up a mass murder-suicide to haunt Hollywood for a few years. Maybe it’ll end that way yet.