What you might have expected to hear today: J. Lo still not pregnant, Kirstie Alley still fat. What never could have been made up by a team of monkeys clacking away on typewriters: Steven Spielberg is set to bring Baywatch to the big screen.
The Academy Award-winning director and producer has obtained the rights to turn the booby-centric television show into a big-screen blockbuster. We expect the role of Mitch Buchannon to be filled by Tom Hanks and transformed into a drunk-yet-lovable World War II vet who is trying to silence his inner demons. Pamela Anderson will return in her role as C.J. Parker, now a Holocaust survivor whom Mitch rescued and fell in love with during the war. Oh, and she’ll still have great big bouncy tits. We most likely won’t see a finished product for another year or two, but we probably won’t think about anything else until then.
Baywatch Gets Spielbergized
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