You know how in school when there was a raffle to give away a giant trampoline or a moped or something the girl who 's dad owned the paper mill and who had her very own Lamborghini at fourteen always won even though you really, really wanted it and totally deserved it? Jessica Simpson is that girl.
You've been saving up all year, skipping those morning lattes and stowing away your pennies, in hopes of trading in your old Pinto for a bright shiny new Ford Focus or Kia Spectra. And it's almost within reach. But if you only knew how to stuff a pair of double-D's into skimpy outfits and work a nylon hair extension, you could snag yourself a much nicer car–plus a whole lot of other junk you could totally buy yourself–for free. <tm>The New York Daily News reports on Jessica's pre-VMA haul:
Two flunkies groaned under the weight of dozens of bags to be loaded into Jessica's SUV. Her haul included almost $4,000 worth of G-Star denim, many thousands more in Rosalina diamond jewelry, dozens of Hanes and Penguin shirts and a Klipsch iGroove home sound system.
Then Jessica selected a key out of a grab bag, in hopes that it would start the Chrysler Crossfire SRT-6 convertible parked outside on 40th St. And guess what? It did! The car was hers.
And you know what's even worse? "The crowd cheered as Jessica added the $50,000 sports car to her day's winnings." We're sure the crowd consisted of people who don't even pull in fifty grand in a year–people who drive Scions and Hyundais, for Christ's sake. And yet they cheered as if it were Oprah giving cars to single moms who have to take the bus to work and not a multi-millionaire being handed a car that is probably "beneath" her. Where is the justice? Where is the ire? Where are the incensed plebeians flinging their own feces in protest? We've gone soft, people.
Work up your disgust with pictures of Jessica and her new car at Dlisted.
See if Jessica can win your heart–or your pants–at MrSkin.com.
