Apple Martin, the fruit (haw!) of Gwyneth Paltrow's loins, rendered the fruit (guffaw!) of her mother's chest twisted, hideous, misshapen, sagging, eye-singeingly deformed. Thanks a bundle, Apple, you ungrateful little shit.
We kid, we kid! We love babies! Especially adult babies, which is our own particular sexual fetish. But we digress. Gwyneth (who is rumored to be around four months preggo with baby #2) has never been what you'd call a well-endowed mammary vessel, but at least her pre-baby peaks had a little perk. No longer. Bringing her infink to fruit(hee hee!)tion and the subsequent feeding of the adorable little parasite has caused Gwyn's cans to swell to mammoth proportions, and not in an appealing way. She gabbed to Allure mag about how she'll happily go under the knife, her love of natural living and beauty be damned.
"I think women who have breastfed understand what I'm saying – that if you get a boob job it's more reconstructive surgery, actually, than cosmetic surgery. Everybody should do what makes them feel good and happy as long as they are not starving themselves to death. But if you can eat in a healthy way and keep exercising and get a little something done here and there, why not? I'm sure when the time comes, I'll be in there doing something."
You can't blame a girl for being honest, we suppose. But you can blame her for being too honest, when honesty morphs into something as odious as an Electra complex. Gwyneth revealed that her attraction to husband, craprocker Chris Martin, was sparked because he looks like her late father:
"Chris has got the same blue eyes and curly hair and the long, long muscles."
Being drawn to someone because they have your father's good heart or sense of humor? That's admirable. But being drawn to their "long, long muscle[s]"? We'll leave that one to Freud.
Paltrow's pre-baby bazoomblies. At MrSkin.com, of course.
