We really miss Anna Nicole Smith. When our weekly issue of The National Enquirer arrives all weather damaged and postally delayed, a single tear forms in the corner of our eye and we wonder what our favorite former fat girl is up to. Is Marilyn still jealous of new pup Frankenstein? What are Anna Nicole's thoughts on the Paris Hilton/Stamos Nachos union? So hearing tales of her picking up a chick in a gay bar has made us happier than Clay Aiken in a middle-school boys' locker room.
The National Enquirer has allegedly purchased photos and an exclusive story from a woman named Tracy who works at the West Hollywood gay bar Hamburger Mary's, who claims that Anna Nicole picked her up at the bar last week and the two engaged in loads of S&M (and presumably noshed on a little hamburger). The two were allegedly making out in the bar before heading home for some privacy. A source told Page Six:
"She wasn't keeping it a secret. Anna Nicole put her in handcuffs and her neck was covered with hickeys. Anna Nicole was doing that butt-slapping thing–it was just bizarre. And her son was in the house."
Anna Nicole whoring it up like a sailor on leave while her emotionally stunted son looks on? Where have we seen that before? We can't wait till that kid needs some cash and writes his own Mommie Dearest. But until that day arrives, we'll just be happy that Anna Nicole is keeping herself busy with barmaids and handcuffs and keeping her mind off of her looming Supreme Court battle for billions of dollars. We can see it now: Anna Nicole addresses the bench, telling of her late husband's profound love for her when she picks up her glass to take a sip of Coke. "Is that a pubic hair in my soda? Did you do that, Clarence, you dirty boy? Is Mommy going to have to spank you?"
Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole at MrSkin.com.
