Sure, we definitely feel sad about the tragic death of Anna Nicole Smith. Will said sadness keep us from posting about this train wreck in a semi-humorous fashion? Nah. The conspiracy theories, drama, and rumors are multiplying like Gremlins in a hot tub, so here's a handy list of links to the highlights. Drugs! A love child! The mysterious and untimely deaths of a mother and son within five months of each other! Intrigue! Possible murder! Incest! A huge lump sum of money from a deceased horny octogenarian billionaire! Freakishly enormous fake breasts! The life and death of Anna Nicole Smith has a little bit of everything for a little bit of everyone. It's a story for the ages. Like Patch Adams!
ï A source tells US that ìAnna looked extremely bloated when she vomited out something white before having a seizure early this afternoon. The reaction was so violent that people in the hotel thought she had some tragic food poisoning. But we were told it was a drug overdose by the people who saw it.î
ï The autopsy is underway as we speak, and authorities say that a "large amount" of prescription medication was removed from her hotel room as evidence. Please note that methadone can be considered as a prescription medication . . .
ï HOWEVER, authorities also found illegal narcotics.
ï Further sealing her fate, Anna may have pulled a Bon Scott.
ï Alleged Dannielynn sirer Larry Birkhead has updated his personal site with a few verses about Anna. And, um . . . OK, this is embarrassing but the streaming Willie Nelson song kinda made us misty. A little. Maybe. Shut up.
ï But he still wants that paternity test, and how!
ï Anna's last moments, on tape, for all you snuff fans.
ï The wife of Mr. Trimspa gets into a Larry King referee'ed tussle with Chyna over who was Anna's BFF 4-ever.
ï Perhaps neither Larry nor Howard K. Stern is Dannielynn's real father. Perhaps the real father is Anna's deceased son, Daniel. Or maybe she impregnanted herself. Like a starfish. Or aphid.
ï UPDATE: Or maybe the baby's daddy isn't Larry, Howard, or Daniel but . . . Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband?!
ï UPDATE II: No, says Zsa Zsa's former rep, hubby is "a chronic fabricator who likes to inject himself into current events to see himself on television." Just like John Mark Karr!
ï UPDATE III: Press conference! Officials say that not only were no illegal narcotics found in the room, there were none found in Anna's system. Toxicology reports will take three to five weeks.
Naked Anna Nicole is immortal at MrSkin.com.
