Angelina Jolie Is a Total Plastic

We know you're going to be disappointed, because it's not big enough to stick you dick into (presumably; if it is, we're sorry, and you should probably join Chyna's teeny weenie support group), but an artist has created a super lifelike Angelina Jolie doll. Reports The Daily Mail:

Starting with an ordinary doll, artist Noel Cruz removed the factory paint and repainted the figurine using acrylics after he was inspired by the 'enigmatic beauty' of Brad Pitt's partner.

After contouring the eyes, eyebrows and lips to achieve her look, he fitted the doll with a long brown wig and added a glamorous dress – which is not included in the price.

The one-of-a-kind doll sold on eBay for £2,000. And we're pretty sure the winning bidder might have a last name that rhymes with shit. Just think about it: The real Angelina is a badass. She's had weapons and martial arts training for various movies. And, though hunky, Brad is probably kind of a wuss. So the opportunity to grab doll Angie by the ankles and spin her over his head and then twist her arm to repeatedly bludgeon her face while taunting, "Why are you hitting yourself?" must feel really good after a particularly vicious fight.