Remember the turkey in your freshman dorm who would go to parties only to sit in a corner sawing at their wrist with a plastic knife because their crush wouldn’t talk to them? That’s Angelina Jolie. We’ve always established that she’s a friendless weirdo with no sense of humor, and now she’s allegedly threatening suicide because Brad Pitt was working. Right now, Brad wondering where he went wrong. One minute, you’re pulling tubes with Jennifer Aniston in your billion dollar home, the next minute you’re up to your ears in Huggies and you’re heimliching Seconals out of your kids’ mom. The always-dubious National Enquirer reports:
“Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic,” a friend divulged. “She told him, ‘When you’re not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that’s when I tried to kill myself.’ “Angelina said, ‘I feel lost without you – like I’m being abandoned.’” But Brad, 46, immediately reassured the high-strung Angelina that he wasn’t leaving her for good, even though he’ll be living apart from her and their six children while they work on separate movie projects, the friend revealed. “Brad quickly calmed Angelina down: ‘I’ll always be there for you and the kids. I promise.’”
You know what’s really good for filling that void in your soul? More kids! Go! Go buy more! Fill up your house. Stash them in closets, in space bags under beds, inside the piano bench. Never enough! Must never be alone! Need more! Kids kids kids kids kids kids kids!!!!
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Seriously angelina jolie to me always looked like some sort of a weirdo. i mean don’t get me wrong the humanitarian work she provides for those underpriviledged is a god send but in all actuality the girl is about five cans short of a six-pack.i understand why shes threatning suicide, it’s because all whores who steal men away from other women always think they will soon one day be in the same boat, and they should be. i hope that one day she will have to look in the mirror and recognize the damage she has done. and for gods sake stop adopting all those damn kids you stupid bitch. you could start your own united nations with all the damn refugee children your adopting.brad get away from this crazy bitch before you end up like phil hartman.god speed to you handsom.i would fuck you in a haertbeat.yea i said it now come and try to find me ho!!!!!!
These stories are made up!!! She did not steal Jens husband their relationship was over…You’re the one that is crazy and jealous of Angie!!!!
P.S. Brad would never fuck you!!!
Whose job it it to make this stuff up? It’s hilarious. So cute that people believe it.
Yikes! now we know why Brad is scared to leave her. She keep threathening to kill herself…lol.
This is the first time I have *ever* seen women commenting on CNW. Do the Angie fans google for mentions of her and then rush to her defense? (not talking about you Alexandria)
She knows exactly what she’s doing!!! Most men have a need to take care of and repair
needy women, who are totally lost w/o their very masculine,male,ego-blasted, did I say
male spouses!!! She’s good, I think that’s what you would call a co-dependent relationship.
She did the same thing to billy bob when he wouldn’t leave lauren dern. yep, that is how she will keep brad……………