Mad Men and Community actress Alison Brie has a name that brings to mind a ripe, creamy decadent dairy product, which is an apt metaphor for her college sex life. Which is cool for her, because mine closely resembled head cheese on some stale Bimbo bread. Alison has an essay in a new book called Worst Laid Plans: When Bad Sex Happens to Good People, which is excerpted in Nerve today:
Exploring my newfound sexuality, there was, of course, the girl-on-girl action, the crazy threesome with the afros and whips, and the surreal ‘shrooms experience where I thought the tree was fondling me but it turned out to be my creepy male roommate with calluses on his hands… gross. You get the picture. I developed this (possibly misplaced) sexual pride, based solely on the quantity of penetrations of my vagina… and not necessarily the quality of the acts therein.
… Was he going to wait till I was “out of it” and try to wiggle it into my butt? Did he want to dress me like a boy and sodomize me in secret? I momentarily pondered my predicament. Was I losing my erotic edge? Had I finally found an envelope I could not push? No!
Alison then goes on to describe having intercourse with her best gay male friend: pulling him into a literal closet, playing Madonna, and having him become horrified by the wetness on his condom. Or, in layman’s terms, Katie Holmes’s Wedding Night.
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Somehow, this doesn’t surprise or shock me. This chick looked like she could be her own orgy.
No way! A Hollywood slut? *fainting*
Yes, still waters DO run deep. I’m so waiting for the Alison Brie sex tape. I suspect it’ll be killa!
But she had to have a body double for Born?
It doesn’t sound like she’s uptight. Maybe she has dinner plate nips…